Whenever struck somewhere or when things don’t turn out the required way, I’ve heard people saying what I can do and play safe, or less confident or ignorant?
We do not have the same answer when we are dealing with our children or our family. We try to find out solutions through anything and everything. Why do we face a dead end when finding answers in our professional matters? Why do we give up even before trying?
Because of the shortfall in giving ourselves to our work in totality or lack of awareness, willingness to explore all the possibilities or fear of failure and over-commitment. We want to believe in only what is visible. We don’t want to explore beyond visibility. We aren’t strong enough to blame ourselves. We are not confident in setting things right.
After climbing up the ladder in the professional hierarchy, giving reasons becomes unacceptable because you are engaged for the results and not for process or reasons.
Professional or personal – Only approach in life is going full circle to find solutions with infinite % involvement and not giving up ever. It yields results, or at least there is contentment with efforts.
In today’s world most of the times, we have a primary and secondary family. A primary family before marriage are parents and siblings who become your secondary family after marriage. Because your primary family then, are your spouse and children. After your children grow up, the same primary family is restricted to you and your spouse only. Family is one social institution where you can be yourself, expect other members to be themselves. You laugh, you cry, you show your anger, frustration, contentment to the members of the family. You care and are cared when you need them or vice versa. You have all your right on them and they also in turn. The members aren’t perfect but they are there for you whether they like it or not because you all are sailing in the same ship. And you are destined to be going through the same storm or calm waters as other family members atleast for the time you are together. At times you balance out the odds, conceal ones grief with other’s happiness.
There are people who do not want to believe in family, do not intend to have one or value one if they have. Reasons are many….. Their family isn’t having the perfect family members. They have seen people struggling with compatibility issues with spouses. They feel children are too big a responsibility Or children have discipline issues. They’ve had bad marriages in the past or seen some. Spouse or Parents are too demanding.. With all odds, we need to deal with all these improvising our skills , building acceptance to all and still have and value atleast a primary family.
Poor or middle class family kids have only one medium to earn respect, popularity and money…so they resort to education. Rich kids have money, luxuries and borrowed identity from their parents which brings them respect under the umbrella of their family name or parent’s authority in society. There isn’t any rejection or despising which they face. They don’t come across a reason to drive them to rise above where they are. They feel, they are already on the top.
They are exposed to our discussions about practically every aspect.
As parents, we should know, how much and when the child deserves something. How it should be given? We should teach them, how to accept their status and richness? How much to carry of it at any given point of time? We ought to chose what we should filter out before giving to our child so that they do not develop the overconfidence and misuse our success to their opportunity.
Raise children with right and clear expectation about parents, life and people around. Else we give them so contented a life, that, they do not yearn for anything from their life. A contented life beyond necessity doesn’t take us even a step ahead.
Adolescence has become a dangerous phase for parents. You can be the best parent and still be wrong without knowing where you went wrong. Who is at fault? Who should decide? The parent or the child? If parents decide and go with their understanding, the child finds them wrong. If the child decides, then anyways, parents are wrong. If no one decides, still with the current trend, the child doesn’t count on his parents and feels he is alone.
Thanks to social media, which is forcing children into creating an identity of their own ….very different from their parents at an early age. Bear the pressure of the opinions of peers and unknown people about the created status. And finally get into depression, distress, or commit suicide. Social media is giving the children unwanted importance, and they are building a wall of prejudice for themself. And then parents are left with only regrets and questions which have possible illogical reasons. Children are smart, intelligent today but only in bits and pieces. They can speak but no holistic approach to life. Most of the children today have social media as their parents. And with all their borrowed wisdom from Social media only in words, we feel they are better than us.
We feared what our parents would say. They fear what will the virtual world and their friends say. Our generation also was conscious of their image among their peers but was strong enough to overcome it. We were better. Generally, we never dared to create a situation for parents anytime to regret despite being right at times. We were confused, but we knew our parents could decide the best for us. We were impulsive, but we respected our parents to the extent of subduing our impulsiveness. We got so many blastings, whether right or wrong and still, we felt there is a long way to go…to learn to improve throughout our lives. Turning out to be right was a never-ending process, but today’s children think they are correct, and parents are wrong from the beginning – from childhood and not even adolescence.
They are so keen on justifying with a dominance that parents are wrong and they are right. They see a glimpse of others’ families -a perfect picture visible superficially or partially and feel everything is wrong at their own home or with them..comparisons are partial pictures with complete pictures. This picture will be shown to anyone by all with some hidden realities. How can they match?
Formal education on Social media for a defined tenure is a must for children today. The more we delay or ignore, the more disasters. We need to teach children life skills and how to apply their minds spontaneously than referring google for anything simple thing or complicated thing too. For instance, if a kite is stuck in a tree, to remove it, they will want to google it out. Online games are the only games they know. Insta is the only time pass they have. More the followers, the more the pressure to keep up your public image. Texting on Insta is the single communication mode they know. We have to teach them not to be carried with the opinions on social media.
Time to build a child’s mental and emotional health. We have to pull our kids out of this sooner. It’s every parent and society’s responsibility.
Its better not to give any property or immovable assets to our children. The claims that come in when you are gone are unimaginable. Its like leaving behind a bunch of enemies in the disguise of relatives. Fighting your own kith and kin is a great heartache. Additionally the battle you have to put up for years keep you exhausted on your time, emotions and energy.
And above all, is such a fight worth it? An other fear is what if your child doesnt achieve anything by himself on his own capabilities. By giving him a secured feeling of having property arent we giving him an option to be lazy and not work hard. Are we raising our children to carry only our identity or build their own? Are we selfish than being sensible? Now speaking of securing their education and livelihood cost till the completion of their education. That is the only earning we need to save and transfer to our kid.
Why not give your children best of the education, teach them the best ways of life which would help them earn and enjoy more than what you could give them.
Additionally, we could leave behind so much in surplus for the society. The lower rung of the society which can even be benefited by 1/5th of the property left behind will be grateful. And if they aren’t grateful also, isnt someone else keeping the account of our good and bad deeds?
Every parent has a feeling, whatever earned by me belongs to my child. All of us can earn money for our children. How about earning blessings directly from Him, unfiltered, unaltered?
Parents are the only God for specially abled children.
It seems like God has ruthlessly disowned these children after sending them to earth. They aren’t even aware of the reason for their punishment.
It seems like a curse coming upon them and their parents. Now whose deeds called for this curse also isn’t evident. The child is so by birth and the parents are so good to care for them, that it is so hard to believe that they might have sinned to be punished this way.
The parents are aware of the trauma of the child and they themselves go through. That doubles the pain of their battle. But they stand by the child selflessly throughout their lives. There is not an end to such a life. But they still chose to accept and live it. They try every science and shell out a bomb with a hope to bring the child to the main stream society. Further worry is who would care for the child after them.
Every parent atleast bear a thought on his mind, that my child will make me proud someday, or he will care for me when I’m old, or carry gratitude for me for bringing up. In such a case parents can’t even think of any of these scenarios. He just has to do his duty and keep doing it with sustenance. This is the highest level of unconditional love humanity shows.
Hats off! Oh God to have shown us the existence of love in real sense.