For few parents, their children’s necessities are more important than their luxuries And for few more their luxuries are more important than their children’s necessities. Balancing is of significance.
“Only rich can afford a hostel or the rich do not have time or bother to care for their children, so they outsource the activity of parenting”.
People might have developed different views on this concepts from defining class, status, prestige or whatever else to convince themselves on.
Where did this concept of sending children to Hostel come in from?
The kings could not be compared to anyone in richness. They could have afforded an army of maids or the best of the specialized teachers to care for their children. But they preferred to send them to these Gurukuls.
The Queens or Mothers of these Prince could dedicate all their time to bring up their Children who would be future Kings. But they preferred to keep their children away only for the reason that they should learn life, society from an undiscriminating and unbiased teacher and environment. Stand a fair competition, build the life skills to deal with any scenario, develop their decision making capacity, and people interaction skills.
The same trend continues today. You can’t buy education. You can’t swap your insensitive irresponsible, ignorant child with a sensible, sensitive, wise, responsible child. You might be filthy rich. But you can’t train your child in multi skills like formal education, music, sports, yoga, and reading — all with an intact schedule keeping him home
Secondly, sharing, caring, smartness analysis of people around, reciprocation to them, team work, and leadership can’t be taught with one or two children living together.
Again sending the child to hostel doesn’t guarantee your child’s success. The other factors also are important. But the same risk lies when you send him to any other school either.
Extreme love /possessiveness for the Child and Parenting skills are two different things. Every Parent loves their Child. There are hardly any Parents who do not love their Children. Few of them love them to an extent of doing anything for them whether it is right or wrong. Not always it is initiated with Child’s demands or needs.
Again at times it is because they want to portray an ideal Parent to the society and their Child. And hence chose wrong ways of Parenting.
Cases wherein Parents stand by their Child and believe in their Child to an extent that he can never be wrong.
Parents feel if not us who will stand by our Child and trust him?
Definitely true, but a clear indication has to be sent to the Child that just because you are my Child I wouldn’t always believe that you are right. I will stand by you if you are right and disown you if wrong. Since many Parents fail to do this the Children take wrong path and feel confident that their Parents will stand by them may what right or wrong.
There are enough cases of teenagers rash driving, wrong ways of fun, habits, drink and drive, rape cases or cheating on others. All these because they know the emotional weakness Parents carry.
In adolescence there are instances of Children trying to have two faces one with Friends and the other with Parents. Since it’s a growing phase there will be flaws in it. We got to know what to probe and know and what to ignore inspite of knowing. What to blow out of proportion and what to leave unnoticed. Trying to be cautious and to make our Child have a perfect opinion among relatives and friends should not leave the Child stressed and dual faced.
At times there is dependency developed. Parents underestimate or over secure the Child to an extent of doing everything and get him addicted to them that the Child further doesn’t feel confident without the Parent. In an attempt to be there for him always they turn out to be the host for a parasite.
Parents not realizing that the Child is growing and unwilling to give him his space. Definitely we got to know what he is doing, who are his friends, where is his thought process advancing. But over reacting on everything and trying to control all of the above to be a perfect picture will leave the Child stressed, distanced from the Parents. We say we don’t want him to think anything wrong. Let us understand what is wrong. He has a crush on someone. It’s a natural process of growing not to blow it out of proportion.
At times crossing the limitations to accommodate his demands. We feel we were deprived of many a things so we need to give our Children everything. We need not sympathize ourselves unnecessarily and try to compensate that by spoiling our Child.
There is a difference. Giving everything they require or deserve or we can afford or we want to prioritize just because he is our Child? These understandings should be well developed by us as Parents.
Parents are the only God for specially abled children.
It seems like God has ruthlessly disowned these children after sending them to earth. They aren’t even aware of the reason for their punishment.
It seems like a curse coming upon them and their parents. Now whose deeds called for this curse also isn’t evident. The child is so by birth and the parents are so good to care for them, that it is so hard to believe that they might have sinned to be punished this way.
The parents are aware of the trauma of the child and they themselves go through. That doubles the pain of their battle. But they stand by the child selflessly throughout their lives. There is not an end to such a life. But they still chose to accept and live it. They try every science and shell out a bomb with a hope to bring the child to the main stream society. Further worry is who would care for the child after them.
Every parent atleast bear a thought on his mind, that my child will make me proud someday, or he will care for me when I’m old, or carry gratitude for me for bringing up. In such a case parents can’t even think of any of these scenarios. He just has to do his duty and keep doing it with sustenance. This is the highest level of unconditional love humanity shows.
Hats off! Oh God to have shown us the existence of love in real sense.
In most cases,
Sons will treat their mothers and wives the way a father treats his mother.
And Daughters will treat their Dads and Husbands the way their mothers treat their father.
There is an immediate imitation from children. So, be careful how you treat your husband or wife. Your kids are watching you and you are setting a legacy. Don’t be surprised, annoyed if they ill-treat you as Mom or Dad, they are your mimics.
And then a defense mechanism and frustration act begin from the mother or father to label that his wife or her husband has xyz drawbacks for her/his behavior like this. So, this way they put down their wife or husband in front of the child; reciprocation for the ill treatment they receive from their husband/wife. Finally, the child gets to know both the parent’s flaws which he/she makes advantage of.
And if you are making fun of your wife before the kid, also have the courage to accept the same from your wife as well. That develops a sense of equality in the kid between genders.
– Sucheta Gour
Today Mother’s role is much more than what it has traditionally been.Today Mother isn’t required only to feed the child , take his home work, care for him when he is ill and pamper him when he is good.Today mother’s role has turned out to be a multi dimensional, micromanagement role with lots of strategies. In simple words she should be a watch dog 24/7.Today’s mother require more deliberate efforts to make her child understand the difference between good and bad.
Teach the child
- To believe in God may what come.
- To match thoughts to words to actions.
- To grumble less and achieve more.
- To make them know the world by not shielding their innocence but by making them know the actual cruel world out there -and still maintain their innocence,
- To understand the good and bad behaviors and approaches of people around,
- Teach them the extent, limitations of every relation and acceptance to it.
- To focus on the overall development of self- be analytical towards life’s situations without overthinking.
- To work hard without the fear of failing.
- Coexistence with others.
- To not get carried away with any and every influences around.
- To face life with positivity and enjoy the small happiness with open arms.
- To know the meaning and limitations of fun and celebration.
- To choose friends – understand their limitations, strengths and weakness- accept and respect all of them.
- To overcome jealousy and share space with others.
- The advantages, disadvantages , extent of use and limitations of technology, social media, culture shift, modernism.
- To accept the changing culture but still keep the fundamentals intact.
A mother should focus on their overall
development – their studies for knowledge, sports for good health and additionally creative activities for developing a balanced sound brain.
She should groom
- Respect the female gender,
- Help their Moms, Sisters and Wives in household chores,
- Accept the career focus of other gender,
- Contribute to the success of the other gender
- Respecting each others space and financial independence.
- Trust and living up to the trust of the partner.
AND DAUGHTERS TO
- Be wiser, alert and safe,
- Love all
- Know whom to trust when it comes to choosing a partner or friends
- Not let anyone step on their self respect
- Compatibility with spouse and family
- Importance of maintaining a healthy family
- Carry confidence but not ego.
Finally, accept the modern , working professional, confident, not the perfect ,but still the best Mom the child could have ever had against the traditional, full time conservative Mom because whatever is the appearance the feelings and the commitments towards the child are the same.
Looks like a corporate job description, doesn’t it? Parenting has really turned out to be so complicated.Joint families taught half the qualities but with nuclear families scope of work for Moms has increased and Dads too.