WHAT MAKES US GRIEVE WHEN ANY RELATION DOESNT CONTINUE?
We dont grieve because others matter to us. We grieve because we dont matter to them. Ideally, we should feel happy when others matter to us, because, then we feel happiness in giving. But, we are unhappy when we dont receive, which shows, we should be important to others.
Keep your expectations nill. Feel happy in giving than receiving. Whoever comes or leaves your life, you will never be unhappy.
One who will be obediently listening and following his parents’ instructions. One who will not eat junk food One who will score 100/100 in all his subjects. One who will follow hygiene, take care of his room and his belongings with utmost care. One who will wake up early in the morning and not be a night owl. One who will not be on games app , play-station, Netflix, television and Instagram. One who will not waste his parents money. One who will marry a girl or boy of parent’s choice One who will earn a lot of money. One who will not go around freaking with his friends. One who wont argue or disrespect his parents
One who will purse the career expectations set by parents and be successful. One who will not be sticking on to gadgets always. One who will be good in sports. One who will be creative. One who will actually respect his parents and not show pretense. One who is empathetic about the genuine people around. So on and so forth……
World has changed. All relations are turning out to be too practical or relations for need. Emotions are carried and portrayed in different ways. Today’s child is more a friend than a daughter or son. And the dynamics of approach of children towards their parents are totally different. So, give your child the responsibility of being a responsible and good human being.But at same time do not make him an emotional fool, weak minded, depended, less confident by over protecting or over caring.
The definition of a perfect child changes with time.Keep the basics intact and modify the outlook of approach and reciprocation towards your child’s actions . Keep your child grounded, hardworking and to be considerate.
Wives are bad, Husbands are bad, Mothers are bad, and Fathers are bad. Daughters are bad, Sons are bad, and Daughter in laws are bad. Why there is never a son in law who is bad. Because the expectations are zero from a son in law. He is only born to receive and not give. Be it gifts, property, money, accolades.
Again sons are bad only after daughter in laws come in. What an illogical theory we have adapted. A son whom we have given birth to, whose culture is ours and whose thought process is developed by us is blamed of being influenced overnight by someone.
A son in law is never expected to pay a mother in law’s hospital bill as a duty. If he happens to do so it is a favor. And a daughter in law’s duty is to spend every penny she has earned for her mother in law when such a situation arises.
A son is supposed to pay a maintenance cost to his parents or at times other family members monthly even if they have a regular source of income like pension or some other source like rent or farm source. This is considered his ethical responsibility else he is an ungrateful son. His love is calculated on his spending capacity on them.
Whereas a daughter is not supposed to support her parent’s even if they do not a have a source to support a comfortable life in their old age.
A son in law should never care for his in laws by being with them in the hospital if they are hospitalised. But a daughter in law is required to do all her duties like a family member.
Women need not be raped forcefully. Men know better ways to have her. Connect emotionally, pretend ethical, sympathize her, be empathetic, gather sympathy from her, admire her and appreciate her.
There she goes flying in his arms to love him unconditionally, falling prey to his tricks. Thereon she wakes up only to know she has lost herself to a wrong person. So women out there be aware of such treacherous people.
If you need a shoulder find one of your gender – a friend or if another gender a person whom you know for really long and who won’t make advantage of your situation and just lend you a shoulder in a fair way.
Your situation should not become someone’s opportunity.
Educate your Daughters, Wife, Sisters and Friends to handle their emotions well. Observe them closely if something is bothering them. Motivate them to speak out and share. Lend them a shoulder when they need you the most. Reiterate your support and love for them. World out there is very selfish, opportunist and unethical to the core.
Sons will treat their mothers and wives the way a father treats his mother.
And Daughters will treat their Dads and Husbands the way their mothers treat their father.
There is an immediate imitation from children. So, be careful how you treat your husband or wife. Your kids are watching you and you are setting a legacy. Don’t be surprised, annoyed if they ill-treat you as Mom or Dad, they are your mimics.
And then a defense mechanism and frustration act begin from the mother or father to label that his wife or her husband has xyz drawbacks for her/his behavior like this. So, this way they put down their wife or husband in front of the child; reciprocation for the ill treatment they receive from their husband/wife. Finally, the child gets to know both the parent’s flaws which he/she makes advantage of.
And if you are making fun of your wife before the kid, also have the courage to accept the same from your wife as well. That develops a sense of equality in the kid between genders.
It is very common and easy to glorify another woman, but very difficult and rare to appreciate, support and respect the woman in our life.
How often have we told our Mom,
“You’ve been a Wonderful Mom, I owe you all my good qualities and achievements till now. You’ve made the toughest compromises and sacrifices to make me reach where I am.”
or to your wife –
“You’ve stood by me through thick and thin. I couldn’t have done better in my life without you. You keep me focused on my goals, by keeping me away from all the other worries and challenges of life about home and children. You have supported me to have a good journey of life.”
“If not for you people I would have been a hollow person from within and wouldn’t have reached so far.”
Keep all the awkwardness, funny and strange feeling aside. Speak out, atleast sometimes. Your words make their lives contented. BEGIN TODAY. Your mom will feel proud and acknowledged for all the efforts and compromises of her life.
Your wife will respect, love you more and feel valued. Remember you aren’t giving the women too much importance by saying so. They wouldn’t start flying sky high with your reciprocation of gratitude. They would feel humbled rather. You are just making them feel complete.
There isn’t any point in appreciating them in front of your friends. It’s only glorifying yourself again that you are appreciating your Wife and Mom. You value them, you want recognition and appreciation for doing this too.
Rather dare to overcome your hesitation-speak to them right in their eyes and say ‘THANK YOU’. You will definitely see tears of joy and contentment in their eyes. You will see them feeling their lifetime efforts justified and acknowledged.
Even God needs you to say ‘THANK YOU’ to keep hearing your wishes and granting them. Don’t expect women to be better than God though, we really need to appreciate them to be doing everything for us unconditionally and without any expectation for self.