Extreme love /possessiveness for the Child and Parenting skills are two different things. Every Parent loves their Child. There are hardly any Parents who do not love their Children. Few of them love them to an extent of doing anything for them whether it is right or wrong. Not always it is initiated with Child’s demands or needs.
Again at times it is because they want to portray an ideal Parent to the society and their Child. And hence chose wrong ways of Parenting.
Cases wherein Parents stand by their Child and believe in their Child to an extent that he can never be wrong.
Parents feel if not us who will stand by our Child and trust him?
Definitely true, but a clear indication has to be sent to the Child that just because you are my Child I wouldn’t always believe that you are right. I will stand by you if you are right and disown you if wrong. Since many Parents fail to do this the Children take wrong path and feel confident that their Parents will stand by them may what right or wrong.
There are enough cases of teenagers rash driving, wrong ways of fun, habits, drink and drive, rape cases or cheating on others. All these because they know the emotional weakness Parents carry.
In adolescence there are instances of Children trying to have two faces one with Friends and the other with Parents. Since it’s a growing phase there will be flaws in it. We got to know what to probe and know and what to ignore inspite of knowing. What to blow out of proportion and what to leave unnoticed. Trying to be cautious and to make our Child have a perfect opinion among relatives and friends should not leave the Child stressed and dual faced.
At times there is dependency developed. Parents underestimate or over secure the Child to an extent of doing everything and get him addicted to them that the Child further doesn’t feel confident without the Parent. In an attempt to be there for him always they turn out to be the host for a parasite.
Parents not realizing that the Child is growing and unwilling to give him his space. Definitely we got to know what he is doing, who are his friends, where is his thought process advancing. But over reacting on everything and trying to control all of the above to be a perfect picture will leave the Child stressed, distanced from the Parents. We say we don’t want him to think anything wrong. Let us understand what is wrong. He has a crush on someone. It’s a natural process of growing not to blow it out of proportion.
At times crossing the limitations to accommodate his demands. We feel we were deprived of many a things so we need to give our Children everything. We need not sympathize ourselves unnecessarily and try to compensate that by spoiling our Child.
There is a difference. Giving everything they require or deserve or we can afford or we want to prioritize just because he is our Child? These understandings should be well developed by us as Parents.
-Sucheta Gour
